We all have seen the Facebook groups about the summaries of 99 percent of the people you meet in college. Well, now you have the seven people you will meet right here in Farmville –all you have to do is go to a party or to class.
1. The Drunk Crying Girl
This is the girl who, despite not being able to hold her alcohol, insists on drinking a lot of it very quickly and then proceeds to cause more drama than a third world war. Drunk Crying Girl can be seen on her front porch on Buffalo Street, or walking through campus late at night telling her friends that no one understands.
Drunk Crying Girl consistently will get upset every time she has had too much to drink. Every week, Drunk Crying Girl’s friends will swear off partying with her. It is a sick, never-ending cycle.
2. The Student Government Association Officer
SGA Officers can be seen running around Brock Commons, secretly planning hostile takeovers and fighting loudly with one another about anything that has ever happened in SGA, what forums or service project they will take on next.
This student has a Blackberry, which must be checked at all times because SGA Officers are very important and do many things that are way more important than anything you will ever do.
SGA Officer is going to be a U.S. senator one day and takes their job in Longwood’s SGA very seriously-because it is very serious. Much more serious than anything you will ever do. SGA Officer cannot be caught doing anything bad-ever. It will ruin their future political career.
3. The Hipster they can be categorized with The Art Student.
The Hipster rides his bike everywhere, including to his friends’ houses to drink his Pabst Blue Ribbon. The Hipster judges people who are not “scene” enough, while smoking his cheap cigarettes. He/she has made it clear that flannel was not laid to rest with Kurt Cobain. The Hipster listens to bands you have never heard of, and judges you some more for never having heard of those bands.The best places to find The Hipster lurking around campus is in front of art smoke hut or the Hams butt hut.
4. The Greeks
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization (heck I am in several; 2 academic, 1 social), some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other in certain atmospheres (like parties). Outside of such a situation all greeks are very nice, friendly, and just very much like you and me.
5. The Rabid Alcoholic
This could be your roommate, your best friend, or your roomate’s best friend. The Rabid Alcoholic is pretty self-explanatory but does fall into two subcategories:
1. The guy/girl that no one is sure is actually an alcoholic. However, interventions have been discussed.
2. The rest of the college population that imbibes alcohol at any given point.
Everyone has their own individual stories about The Rabid Alcoholic. There is so much room for creativity. The Rabid Alcoholic is always the most fun of your friends to go out with, for obvious reasons.
6. The Overly Tanned Girl
It’s that time of year. Everyone has spring fever and is either prepping for spring break or summer vacations. While tanning beds are harmful, they also are delightfully addictive. Overly Tanned Girl can be found at any tanning salon. Just look for the ridiculously bronze people with glaringly white teeth.
Even though it is the end of February, Overly Tanned Girl looks like she has spent months at the beach in the middle of July. She is just “building up her base tan.”
7. The Library Regular
The Library Regular loves to study – at the library – every day. It does not matter whether they actually have homework. The Library Regular will consistently be on the first floor of the library, socializing and overseeing everything (in the main media area that is).
The Library Regular can also fall under the umbrella of SGA Officer, but not always. They know the reference librarians by name and are handy to have around because they always know how to fix your internet when it does not work.
There is no better place to stereotype people than on a college campus. Longwood has a mix of everybody, so there is a 100-percent chance you will either know one of these above people, or are one of these people. Embrace it.