i’m grown up?
i don’t know how it happened.
when it happened.
how or why i let it happen.
it just happened.
not “just” as in i only very recently made the jump from perfectly, acceptably a-little-too-nerdy Harry Potter nerd to a kind of weird, gerascophobic dork with zero intent to let go of nostalgia; “just” as in the Forces That Be must’ve had all of this in mind from the very beginning.
and there’s nothing i can do to stop it.
this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, i guess.
i mean, i definitely wouldn’t've wanted the agonizingly self-absorbed and emo teen years to have gone on any longer than they did.
…although i would’ve preferred a little more time to develop my awesome.
or at least to find it.
if there’s one thing that’s unnerving about this whole grown-up business it’s that i have no idea where to draw any of the new lines.
like the line between what’s Cool and what’s Too Cool for Someone My Age.
or the line between Age-Appropriate and Creepy.
lately i’ve been taking into account, more and more, the things that i say and think and do.
the kinds of things that i was sure made me, me, but now, i worry, make me wildly immature:
1.my undying love for bad jokes.
3. my unlimited supply of discographies and music.
4. my tendency to giggle a little too much at inappropriate times.
5. my relationship issues/indecisiveness.
6. the fact that i get “crushes.”
7. my favorite words: douche and fancy.
8. my booze-induced clumsiness.
9. my tendency to be awkward when talking to someone on whom i have a “crush.”
10. my tendency to relate almost any conversation to some type of “that’s what she said” joke or to a song.
but the more i think about this – as i write this blogpost (so i apologize if the sudden shift in this posting is as jarring and poorly timed as that unfortunate age-up) – the more i begin to justify my actions and interests.
and maybe that’s the key to successfully crossing through the sacred gateway that is Adulthood?
not the changes in said actions and interests, but the reasons behind them?
or at least the way you re-word said reasons for actual grown-ups you run into at actual grown-up parties.